Sunday, February 15, 2004


My life has revolved and it has revolved back to the days of singlehood...I'm at home alone and I've just had lunch (Junk food) My parents have called and are asking that I go home for dinner because they think that I don't have plans for tonight. I don't, of course.
Sad really. S has said often that she thinks I would be happier as a single guy and I never got to thinking about that till today. Well, actually, it dawned on me today that this is my life if I were living by myself sans spouse, a little sad and directionless. Albeit a whole lot less messy than I used to be... (Trained like a chimp, I did the laundry yesterday and actually separated the whites from the colours! )
I hung out with my friends and have been keeping late nights watching TV and the usual things I did as a single person...Except that without S in the house, it seems a whole lot more empty than I remember it being, and a whole lot more pointless.
I don't think I'm good being single anymore. Weird thought actually because I keep deluding myself that it's all normal and deep down inside, I'm still 16 years old and marriage is a huge date thing. I'm trying to keep some normalcy in my life these 2 weeks but I'm beginning to see that it doesn't work that way anymore. S has become my anchor in the world. She has become so much a part of my life that I can't really see how it all fits together without her anymore.
I don't miss her in the usual sense I doesn't ache the way that I thought it's just that life has less meaning now and there's no compass on my ship anymore.
Which is just strange so I'll just chalk it up as my brain going funny in her absence.


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