Friday, February 06, 2004

Dead Man Walking.

Wow, I am so wiped out this week. Despite the fact that the week started on Tuesday and the fact that today is Friday, this feels like the longest week of the year. I am uninspired to teach, have a pretty short fuse and feel like someone's run over me with a herd of cattle.
It feels like the week that doesn't end.
Anyway, on to other things. School wouldn't be too bad if not for all the crap that the bureaucrats put us through. This school is an irony, which really sucks because the school I left almost 12 years ago was completely different. I feel like Algren (see previous post) wandering the world looking for honour and finding mission school principals telling their students to thicken their skins and thin their consciences. I'm haven't really been too eager in the semantics of the bible but I'm pretty sure that we are supposed to have sensitive consciences. The Man has brought my school to the ground. Dragged it through the mud and thrown it to the swine.
Sad really.
So, yes, I feel wiped out and it's just the start of the year.
I watch The West Wing quite fervently and I never knew how they would handle the 14 + hour days that they seemed to get through so easily on TV. I thought it was just unrealistic as I couldn't fathom staying in school for that kind of time.
Then, while watching the episode "Let Bartlett be Bartlett" for the 5th to 6th time it suddenly dawned on me. These people really believe. They are believers and that is why they can do the job. The show doesn't really celebrate the nobility of sacrifice as much as it rejoices in a bunch of people who are committed to their jobs because they believe in what they're working for. I recall being passionate about things. I remember working through the day and night on something that I cared about and I realised that I haven't done that since the wedding.
It was not so long ago that I pushed myself to the limit and beyond to get things ready and sacrifice sleep to prepare gifts and surprises. I worked to the point of near madness and I enjoyed it thoroughly because I was doing something that I was passionate about. I haven't felt that since and I think that it's quite sad.
I would love to do something I have passion for and I thought that teaching here would allow me to do that. I do still love the school but for the damn bureaucrats.
Stupid people.


Post a Comment

<< Home