Bloggin' in Memphis.

Well...not exactly. We're coming to you live from KL Mariott. After a 5 hour drive (with two short stretch breaks in between...and none of us actually went to the toilet) and a battle of wills with a stupid Malaysian customs (or kustoms) officer which ended with my defeat, we arrived without any mishaps. We saw 2 major accidents (1 car smash up and a truck that apparently plowed into the back of a car) and thankfully were not involved in any of them.

Anyway, we're here after a really heavy Coca buffet lunch that involved actually leaving nothing in the soup (an amazing achievement). Presently awaiting the B and CY to go have dinner at Jln Alor. Roadside hawker food, here we come! BTW, there actually may be a second shot at durians. (BTW: Tym: Sated that night? ...not really actually...it left me craving more...)

NEways. That's about it for now. Later.

A Post.

Today was really great.

I got out of bed really late because my alarm clock has broken and I cannot afford a new one at the moment.

I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.

I'm so stoned.

Last night I had to go and pay Joshua's bail. He's such a jerk. He got arrested for punching the Walmart clerk in the face for refusing to sell him beer. He's only 16!

I want to tell the world that I love you all! You're all so special to me!

I am really annoyed with those assholes at _are_you_hotter_than_us_?, because I am so much cuter than them, and those photos don't do me justice. They can't reject me, so I'm starting my own rating community. Click here to join (the first five applicants are automatically accepted).

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my girlfriend in the nude (but don't tell her that I've posted them here - she'll kill me! Har har.)

I want to say thanks to simon and Abbey and Dave and the other Simon for helping me on Saturday. You guys are the best. By the way, if you happen to find my wallet, keys or underwear, could you SMS me? Adrian has my number.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you next week's lottery numbers.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with my favourite Buffy fan-fiction piece I wrote last year when I was in hospital.

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Kudos to my brother for finding this.

For all Smith/Lucas friends

This is hilarious.

Meritocracy my @$$

So apparently, it's ok to beat some shmuck up in Singapore if you're rich and influential enough to get away with it.

It's also ok to snort/distribute cocaine if you belong in the social elite and your daddy's someone in the supreme court.

Sad week for the judiciary system really. So much for "...based on justice and equality."

O well.

Prepping for the trip up to KL by dumping all my tuition kids into the week...boy is it going to be very intense. But then again, we're driving up so yipee! We're going to put ol' Bluey through his paces. :) Now to get some tunes...

O...and I missed the Lea Salonga concert. *igh.

Something for Tym.

Must See TV...

...just dropped into the depths of overwhelming melodrama...
*igh...From a first decent episode of English Singaporean drama, Mediabore has somehow or another managed to wring some copious amount of overacting out of some really decent actors/actresses.

The major lesson learnt from tonight's episode of First Mums:

If one wants to name a kid, one should name a kid a name that they can pronounce! (Timothy should not be pronounced Teemothy)

O well...here's to not putting any trust in Mediabore.

On other TV news: Fann Wong really looks unhealthy. I mean, when did gaunt become the new look? And I mean sickly gaunt...sunken cheekbones and a body that's so stick thin that her head looks like a chupa chup with hair.

What's wrong with this picture?

You give a kid a Mac 10, but it's alright because there's a whole bunch of paramedics that can deal with the problem.

or...

You decide to allow smoking on the floor of your dynamite manufacturing company but it's ok because the factory's in the vicinity of some pretty good hospitals and morgues.

or...

You figure it's ok to have a casino...wait...two casinos in Singapore because you've gotten all the religious groups and poor social workers to work even harder than they already are.

The common thread in the three arguments? Someone's got to deal with something that isn't their friggin' problem.

See, I really don't have a problem with a casino or two in Singapore. Personally, I'm going to have a ton of fun checking out those places...Two more places to hang, perhaps even a possibility of going for a movie at Sentosa. I mean, it's all good as far as I'm concerned. Casino = Lousy but cheap food. Nice hotels to stay in perhaps? And imagine the potential for people watching.

Plus, I guess, it creates a ton of jobs. Anyone interested in getting a job'll probably do well to go into social sciences: Counselling as a major perhaps? I dunno. I forsee a big market in that.

Here's my problem: The fact is that our dear government, in typical Singapore style, has made a decision and now expects the country to pick up all the fallout after the caca's hit the fan. Yar...let's get all the religious organisations to clean up our messes...How about taking some f*cking responsibility? They voiced their opinions and you spit in their face. Geez...it's like a parent who decides that after years of raising a completely screwed up kid, it's the teacher's problem to sort out the mess. I mean, if you have registered your protest over an issue, you should be excused from dealing with the crap that follows it.

I think that's the way that society should work. You register your vote and if your vote gets pissed on, you are completely excused from responsibility from the fallout. Kinda like if you didn't vote for George W. Bush, you should be excused from Iraq completely. People who did vote for GWB should be taxed extra to pay for his war.

It's called taking bloody responsibility...Consequences. They come. So, you know what? If we get problem gamblers in Singapore, we should leave them with MPs who decided to open these casinos. How about those pricks taking care of their shit once in a while?

Engrish...Alive and well.

I have not exactly perfected taking pictures with the mobile phone yet but if you look carefully enough, you'll see the Engrish rather nicely.

"I am sounding and I am pleasing." Nice to know that headphones have become such a pleasure.

Subversive TV

Watched Mediabore last night to check out the buzz on Desperate Housemums...oops...I mean First Mums just so that I'd have something to blog about. Hmmm...It was actually quite engaging...well for the most part of it.
What was most interesting, actually, was the fact that despite the propoganda that any show guided by the MDA was inevitably bound to display, it had elements of subversion in it. Let's start:

When was the last time you saw a Singaporean TV show display the following?

1. A central character who's an ex-addict (Muscle relaxants...unfortunately not the topical cocaine) who's been to rehab. *
   
2. A central character who was a mistress. (Who, after being dumped by her (ang mor) boyfriend, becomes a surrogate for a couple who, because they cannot go through the legal channels, is forced to get her pregnant by having the hapless husband sleep with her.)**
   
3. A 16 year old student who gets pregnant (by her hunky 19 year old boyfriend) and subsequently storms out of her parents' house when they call the police and arrest the would-be father for statutory rape. (An allegation that I still feel is ridiculous)***
   

It blows the mind. It's Singapore television. It's must see television. Amazing.

To top off Subversive Thursdays, there's Chase. A programme that started off last night with a fake ad of a guy standing there thinking. "What's he thinking of?" one wonders. Two thought bubbles appear around his head in succession.

"Breasts"
"Thighs"

And because it's Singaporean TV, and all we can get away with it a little bit of cheekiness, it turns out he's thinking about Fried Chicken. (Yum) But here's the clincher. As it fades out into the logo of the fried chicken chain that they're advertising, we see one word that had me laughing my head off...

"KNOCKERS"

Along with mammary-shaped knockers under the logo.

Wow. That actually was quite clever. I mean, aside from the fact that Knockers Fried Chicken spells out KFC, it's also a wink and a nod to the fact that, really, that's what men really think about innit?

But there's more. Utt, who plays a central character in the show has a mom who is carrying the baby of a man who they call "Uncle John" but is actually a man who is about the age of her son. Oooo....And they're not married.

This is all pretty much "in your face" through the programmes...and one wonders, has Singapore truly started shifting to the left? Are we becoming more liberal? More tolerant to alternative lifestyles? Have we, for the love of Lee, truly developed a sense of humour?

So many questions...and only time will tell. In the meantime, it's all good and I think that Mediabore 5 on Thursdays will become "must-see-TV".

CopyWrong

Been meaning to post this for a while but haven't had the opportunity, nor the Omega 3 enhanced memory (BBC Last night), to do so. But, here I am. Sitting at my desk between periods on hell day (Thursday: 3 double periods + 1 double period PW for a total of 8...).

The ad is done MTV style with quick cuts, loud music and strong (almost painful) images. It's obviously American, although intrinsically Singaporean, and it's invaded our cinema screens. It's HIP. In shaky letters that scream at you, it jackhammers it's way into your mind:

You wouldn't steal a Car.
You wouldn't steal a Handbag.
You wouldn't steal a Mobile Phone.
You wouldn't steal a Movie.
Movie Piracy is Stealing.
Stealing is Against the Law.
Piracy. It's A Crime.

It's quite an intrusive ad, really, and it does a pretty good job of getting the message across...but one interesting question: WHY THE HECK ARE THEY SHOWING IT AT A MOVIE THAT I PAID MONEY TO SEE?!
Last I checked, I haven't actually seen anybody set up a camcorder along the aisles and record the movie. There haven't been cases of people getting hauled up by ushers for hiding their video cameras in oversized trenchcoats and filming through their buttonholes. So why is the movie industry punishing me for paying money to watch a film? Hello? Wrong target audience...really.
That's the problem with intellectual property types. Aims worse than a 3 year old boy facing his first toilet. If you're going to make it hard for people to use their CDs (see CD copy protection, or, better yet, Half Life 2...) you're not actually punishing pirates, you're hitting the legitimate consumer. Presently have a useless version of half life 2 cos I just changed my computer and despite uninstalling it from my old system, I can't install it on my new system due to it's vaunted Steam engine. Bah. Meanwhile, pirated versions of HL2 wouldn't have these problems.
I am a movie buff (just ask anyone who's been with me when I've missed the first 5 minutes of a show). I pay money to go to a cinema to sit through a movie. I would just like to do it without having to sit through brainless ads that have absolutely nothing to do with me.

And I've got nothing to write about...

I realised that it's been about 5 days since my last pseudo post (shyeah...cos a picture of a mouse is considered a post) and I think it's because I've had nothing to write about. There hasn't been anything of consequence to blog so far and there's been absolutely ****all that I've had any opinions about for a bit. So...

*Twiddles thumbs*

I could try to talk about Sunday drivers...(you know the type...) but my heart wouldn't really be in it...but then again, here goes:

Sunday drivers. You know the type. Somehow or another, the regular Singaporean pace of life seems to enter the Dali-heavy-time-zone and slows down to a crawl. Sounds ideal? Not a bit. It only happens on roads. Everywhere else in Singapore, the bustle continues but on the roads, it's molasses. Not only do the Sunday drivers hog the lanes, they make ridiculous decisions like cutting in front of cars travelling at 90 while they're cruising along at 60. It's stupid. It's dangerous and it makes me wish I had ye olde monster truck so I can run them over like the insignificant bugs they are. (I'm sorry, I'm feeling superior tonight...) One wonders why there are so many accidents out there on the road and I guess that's the answer. Too little brains to go around for all drivers.

On a lighter, less irritated side...Wes' place is way cool for LANing. I heard about the studio but never envisioned it as utopia for boyz with toyz. Plus, I've always liked the idea of living in a shophouse that was old (read: traditional) on the outside and new (read: funky) on the inside. It also helped that it was really spacious the way old shophouses are.

Jean Danker make funny joke about film.

Sin City is being released on the 26th of May. Which is weird because Singapore would usually try to release films BEFORE the US to prevent movie piracy...which is a strange concept...unless they thought that Singapore was a hotbed of illegal...movies...uhm...nevermind.

Anyway, I'm theorising that the movie will be delayed because the mindless automatons down at the Ministry of truth (read: censorship board) will be arguing over the ratings.

Mindless Automaton 1: "But it says it's a comic book movie! Shouldn't it be PG-13?"
Mindless Automaton 2: "But there's sex in it. And violence. Comic books are for kids, aren't they?"
Mindless Automaton 3: "Does not compute...Does not compute..."

Meanwhile, as a fan of everything comic, I think that May 26th would be the perfect time to release the movie as it could help to buffer the overwhelming disappointment that is inevitable after Revenge of the Sith releases on the 19th of May. All Star Wars fans should go on a rampage overturning cars and burning George Lucas in effigy for about a week after Sith opens and then dressing in sackcloth and heaping ashes on their head for a month of mourning. Subsequently, all references to Episodes I-III will be erased by the Ministry of Truth* (read: Star Wars Fan/Slash fiction fans) and rewritten...and they shall wait for the second coming. And his name will be Smith. But yes. There will be no better time for a fanboy movie to be released than a week after Sith.
May-June of course is a bumper crop of movies for fanboys (and fangirls)...much to the dismay of my wife. We have, in our lineup:

1) Revenge of the Sith
2) Sin City
3) Batman Begins
4) War of the Worlds

It will be a good 2 months.

Meanwhile, on NBA news. The L.A. Lakers took an early exit led by Kobe "My Team" Bryant and will not be making the playoffs this year. Knew the boy had an ego bigger than his talent.
And I have no sports channels to watch the playoffs on this year! (After refusing to pay the $15 increase in sports channel prices. An increase brought about by football/soccer, that I don't watch...) So, after making my stand, my dignity and I will sit by and watch despondantly as the macromedia ticker tape gives a blow by blow account of games that I will not see...sorta like The Matrix

O well. So much for a small update...now let's hope this loads.

*Note the difference in the truth and the Truth.

Droool....

Of course...just when I thought that the diamondback could get no cooler...they release this...

sigh...

The last Pringle.

Sigh...look at the Pringle. See the whirl and twirl of it's unique shape, that makes it so stackable. See (past the grainy, non-focused and smudged lens...) the fine coat of sour cream & onion on the textured surface of the crunchy flake that turns into a delicious munchy flake in two bites.

It's the last Pringle.

It left this world for the recesses of my gullet at about 3:45pm today, ne'er to be seen again.

*igh. I wish there were more.

These Words

These words are my own
From my heart flown
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...
~Natasha Bedingfield

I know, I know...the irony of it all...but then again...
So here's to my lovely wife, who made me one of the happiest guys on earth 6 years ago, I love you...

RIP Pringles.

The new Pringles sucks. It sucks, sucks, sucks. It sucks eggs. It sucks harder than a black hole. And it's the only alternative left.

At Pringles, they have officially managed to take the only thing left that was good in the world with pop-top potato chips and sucked the life out of it, turning a once pleasant crunching reconstituted-potato chip into a souless hard-crunchin' potato flake. AaaaRRRgh! And to add insult to a humiliated chip, they've taken the flavour out as well...

I now have the last bastion of the Original Pringle-ness sitting on my coffee table (Pringles Sour Cream and Onion) and it's being whittled away and savoured One. Chip. At. A. Time. Fare Thee Well Old friend. We hardly knew ye.

Stepping up to the plate to bat for the quitters...

Surveying the science fiction and fantasy sections of these stores, I was vaguely pleased to see that none of my own works seemed to be available. I don't know for a fact that the UPU had turned them back at the border, but if they had, I'd certainly be in good company.
William Gibson

We were talking about this article over brekkie and I proudly announced that if I were to have a label placed on me by Singapore, it would have to be Quitter.

On a less dissenting note:

The new Battlestar Galactica RocKS! (Despite a regendering of Starbuck) Talk about hooked, I was watching it yesterday (courtesy of Al) and I've got to say ":jaw dropping:"

Desperate Housewives: It seems like every week, the writers get together and try to figure out a new depth of humiliation they can sink poor Susan Mayer to. (Either that or how much of Teri Hatcher they can expose...hubba hubba)

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The 100th episode, not bad...not that good either. Currently waiting for Tuesday when CSI: New York begins.

All that said, it's been a slow week. Later...