Wednesday, August 03, 2005

How well do you know your prostate? *

The last time I saw my prostate was about a year ago. I was walking down the street when I saw him walking on the opposite side of the road. It was a weird experience actually and because I really didn't want to create a big hooha, I pretended to look into a store window and took a really unhealthy interest in a half dressed mannequin. My prostate, however, recognised me and yelled my name across the street. I blushed. It had been too long since I'd actually talked to him and I was ready to hightail it. I pretended not to hear him in the vain hope that he would figure that I was someone else and keep walking.

He didn't.

He called out to me again. This time I figured that he wouldn't take no for an answer and would actually cause me way more embarassment if he continued so I turned, pretending to get shaken out of my deep thoughts, and waved hi. He walked across the street, carefully looking both ways before doing so. I resisted the urge to smack my forehead with my palm. It was such typical behaviour, the do gooder. I sighed.

He was all smiles when he got to me. He gave me a quick hug and his usual hearty greeting, to which I mumbled an incoherent response. Didn't he realise that I hadn't been talking to him for the past 3 years because I just didn't like talking to him? He seemed oblivious to that as he chattered, his voice a non-stop staccato that grated my ears and made me wish that the earth would open up and swallow me whole. My shoulders drooped and I nodded my head wearily as he droned on and on. He was as insufferable as ever.

Fifteen uncomfortable minutes passed as he talked. I glanced at my watch every 3o seconds, hoping that he would get the message but he was as thick headed as ever and continued on his tirade of pleasantries. I wanted to strangle him right there and then. At last, he paused for breath and I finally had the opportunity to cut in. I muttered and excuse and walked away. Call me, he said. I nodded, not meaning it and stepped around the corner and ran for it. I felt a slight twinge of guilt for it but that passed as soon as I got to the burger joint and bought a double cheeseburger. I haven't seen him since, thank god.

*Title from the Mind your Body section of today's newspaper.


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